ME: Seriously, Nick. You have to eat your sandwich. You haven’t even taken one bite.
NICK: I saving it for later.
ME: No. You have to eat it now.
NICK: But daaaaad! If I eat it now, then I’ll want it later but it will be gone. That’s the problem. So I gonna save it for later to have later.
ME: No. You have had nothing to eat today but two donuts.
NICK: Can I have a donut?
ME: No. You cannot have another donut. I want you to eat your sandwich.
NICK: Dad, listen. I have to play for a little bit. A little bit! And then I will eat my sandwich.
ALLISON: No. Eat it now. Daddy got you the exact sandwich you asked for.
NICK: It doesn’t have pickles on it.
ME: They’re right there! The pickles are right there! I am looking right at the pickles!
NICK: Can I have some more pickles?
ME: NO! Eat the sandwich.
NICK: I want to play. Okay, dad?
ALLISON: Nick, you have ten minutes to eat that sandwich.
NICK: How long is ten minutes?
ALLISON: That’s one “Curious George.”
ME: Just take the first bite. For the love of God, just take one bite.
NICK: I can’t.
ALLISON: You have ten minutes or you will go to your room and nap. There will be no playing.
ME: Just do it. Just eat it. Stop hovering over it and almost touching it. Pick it up and put it in your mouth.
NICK: Look, dad. I’m a triceratops.
ME: I don’t care. Eat your sandwich.
NICK: Could we shoot our house and all our things into space?
ME: Only if we take the sandwich.
NICK: Dad, how do you get to heaven?
ME: Forget it. Eat your sandwich.
NICK: Okay, OKAY! (picks up sandwich) There.
ALLISON: You didn’t even take a bite.
NICK: Yes, I did.
ALLISON: You put it in your mouth then took it right back out again. You didn’t even bite into it.
ME: Oh my God I’m gonna lose my mind if you don’t eat that sandwich.
NICK: I’m not hungry.
ALLISON: You’ve been talking all morning about how you’re hungry!
NICK: I’m just so tired! I want to take a nap!
ALLISON: Take two bites of your sandwich. Then you can take a nap.
NICK: I want to play.
ALLISON: You just said you were tired!
ME: Eat that mffffnnffffnnn sandwich.
NICK: OKAY! (eats sandwich) Now can I have a donut?