ME: So this is kind of different. You walk around the tables, take what you want and put it on your plate.
NICK: I WANT EVERY FOOD THAT I CAN SEE!
ME: You can take a little bit of a bunch of different things if you want to.
NICK: I WANT TO!
ME: I don’t think you want to eat everything, though. You probably won’t want the octopus.
NICK: I WANT TO SEE THE OCTOPUS!
ME: Not so loud, okay? Here’s the octopus, right here.
NICK: Is it dead?
ME: No. It is a living, breathing, octopus.
NICK: Nunh-uh. You’re just kidding.
ME: That’s right. The octopus is dead, dead, dead. And covered in black pepper.
NICK: *Cough!* *Cough”*
ME: Okay. Seriously, Nick? Cover your mouth. Do not cough on the octopus.
NICK: I WANT GREEN BEANS!
ME: Good choice. Anything else?
ME: Anything else?
ME: Okay, let’s go back to the table. And stop shouting, okay?
NICK: OKAY, DAD! What’s that?
ME: That’s like a chocolate fountain.
NICK: A chocolate fountain?
ME: Yeah. But it’s right out there surrounded by grubby children so it’s kind of like a germ fountain.
ALLISON: Hi, guys. What did he get?
ME: Melon and green beans.
ALLISON: Could be worse.
NICK: I NOT GONNA EAT THE OCTOPUS EVEN THOUGH IT’S DEAD.
ALLISON: Lower your voice, Nick.
NICK: What did you get, daddy?
ME: I got crab legs.
NICK: How that crab die?
ME: Well… the fishermen caught it in a net.
NICK: But how did it die?
ME: I don’t know. Some stuff happened and then they cooked it and now I’m gonna eat it.
ME: Well, you have to crack the leg open to get the meat.
NICK: Do it.
ME: Like this. See?
NICK: CRACK THE LEG, DADDY! GET ALL THE BLOOD OUT!
ALLISON: Seriously, Nick. Not so loud.
ME: I don’t think I can eat this.
ALLISON: Is it bad?
ME: No, I’m just… I’m losing my appetite.
ALLISON: How are the green beans, Nick?