GAME SHOW

I’ve spent the past few nights staying up and watching class game shows from the 50s through the 70s on the BUZZR channel. I’ve watched MATCH GAME, TATTLE TALES, WHAT’S MY LINE, TO TELL THE TRUTH…They’re pretty awesome. But, you know…sexist.  This is basically every conversation between the male game show host and every female contestant:

HOST: She’s a librarian with a degree in psychology…Here she is from Edwardsville, Illinois, Miss Mariann Shackleford!
(applause)
HOST: Welcome, Miss Shackleford. May I call you Mariann?
MARIANN: Sure.
HOST: That’s just swell. You’re awfully attractive, Mariann, I must say.
MARIANN: Thank you.
HOST: Yessir very attractive. Are you married?
MARIANN: Yes. My husband is in the audience.
HOST: Well gosh he’s a very lucky man man to be be married to such a fine, fine attractive woman with such lovely features.
MARIANN: Thank you.
HOST: How did get so lovely. Do you moisturize?
MARIANN: Oh…um… yes. And I wear make-up, I guess.
HOST: Make-up. Well that’s just swell. How did such a lovely young woman with such pleasant facial features become a librarian?
MARIANN: Oh, I just…needed a job, I guess.
HOST: And what does your husband do?
MARIANN: He’s a tenured professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
HOST: That’s a prestigious institution.
MARIANN: Yes, I suppose it is.
HOST: Well he’s lucky that he has such a purely beautiful woman like you to come home to. Attractive, likable and pleasant to look at!
MARIANN: Thank you.
HOST: Stand over here, Mariann while I introduce your challenger.
MARIANN: All right.
HOST: And now here’s the lovely Mariann’s challenger. He’s a greeting card writer from Buffalo, NY, Mr. Ken Campmire!
(applause)
HOST: Hello, Mr. Campmire.
KEN: Hello.
HOST: Here’s you’re opponent Mariann. Isn’t she attractive?
KEN: Oh, yes. Very lovely.
MARIANN: Thank you.
HOST: She moisturizes.
KEN: She’s very nice looking.
HOST: So you write greeting cards?
KEN: Yes, yes I do.
HOST: And what kind of greeting card would you write to Mariann here?
KEN: Oh, well…I’d probably say…”You are so lovely, Mariann. And you have such a beautiful way about you. I’d like to get to know you better. Lovely, pretty, pleasant, appealing and attractive, Mariann.”
HOST: Well that’s just swell.
MARIANN: Thank you.
HOST: Well here’s your celebrity challenger, Mr. Steve Allen!
(applause)
HOST: How are you, Mr. Allen? How’s your lovely wife the fabulous Jayne Meadows?
STEVE: She’s just as attractive and pleasant as ever.
HOST: Well that’s just as swell as can be. As you know, Steve Allen has been sequestered and blindfolded. He’s going to ask you some questions about your profession and which ever one of you can fool him the longest wins. Are we ready to play?
KEN: Sure.
MARIANN: Thank you.
HOST: Go ahead, Steve. We’ve got Ken and Mariann. Who would you like to start with?
STEVE: I’ll start with Mariann. Mariann?
MARIANN: Yes?
STEVE: You sound very attractive.
MARIANN: Thank you.
STEVE: You really have a very attractive voice. Quite pleasant, quite distinguished.
KEN: You should see her.
HOST: She’s very pretty.
MARIANN: Thank you, all of you.
STEVE: Mariann, are you a model or film actress of some sort?
MARIANN: Oh, no.
STEVE: Do you teach grade school, Mariann?
MARIANN: No.
HOST: But she would be a very good teacher with her attractive personal appearance. Those would be very lucky students indeed. Wouldn’t you say, Ken?
KEN: Sure. She’d make a very pretty grade school teacher.
STEVE: Yes, I can imagine her speaking and saying things grade teachers would say in that very pleasant, peaceful and very attractive voice.
HOST: Would you like to ask her another question, Steve?
STEVE: Mariann, are you a librarian?
MARIAN: Yes, I am.
HOST: Ooooooooh! Nice job Steve! Ken, you’re the winner.
MARIAN: He didn’t even ask me any questions.
HOST: The game works out that way sometimes. Steve, would you like to take off your blindfold and say hello to the very lovely Mariann?
STEVE: Well yes I would. (takes off blindfold) You’re just as lovely as I imagined. Beautiful and very pleasant.
MARIANN: Thank you.
HOST: Well, Mariann, I’m sorry you lost. But we have lovely toaster for you. A lovely toaster for a lovely lady!
MARIANN: Thank you. I like toast.
HOST: And Ken, you just won yourself $1000.
KEN: But I didn’t do anything.
HOST: Well, sometimes a lucky guy can win without doing a thing. And we’ll be back right after this message.