CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT WHY HE WON’T EAT THAT SANDWICH

ME: Seriously, Nick. You have to eat your sandwich. You haven’t even taken one bite.

NICK: I saving it for later.

ME: No. You have to eat it now.

NICK: But daaaaad! If I eat it now, then I’ll want it later but it will be gone. That’s the problem.  So I gonna save it for later to have later.

ME: No. You have had nothing to eat today but two donuts.

NICK: Can I have a donut?

ME: No. You cannot have another donut. I want you to eat your sandwich.

NICK: Dad, listen. I have to play for a little bit. A little bit! And then I will eat my sandwich.

ALLISON: No. Eat it now. Daddy got you the exact sandwich you asked for.

NICK: It doesn’t have pickles on it.

ME: They’re right there! The pickles are right there! I am looking right at the pickles!

NICK: Can I have some more pickles?

ME: NO! Eat the sandwich.

NICK: I want to play. Okay, dad?

ALLISON: Nick, you have ten minutes to eat that sandwich.

NICK: How long is ten minutes?

ALLISON: That’s one “Curious George.”

ME: Just take the first bite. For the love of God, just take one bite.

NICK: I can’t.

ALLISON: You have ten minutes or you will go to your room and nap. There will be no playing.

NICK: UUUUGGGGGHHH!

ME: Just do it. Just eat it. Stop hovering over it and almost touching it. Pick it up and put it in your mouth.

NICK: Look, dad. I’m a triceratops.

ME: I don’t care. Eat your sandwich.

NICK: Could we shoot our house and all our things into space?

ME: Only if we take the sandwich.

NICK: Dad, how do you get to heaven?

ME: Forget it. Eat your sandwich.

NICK: Okay, OKAY! (picks up sandwich) There.

ALLISON: You didn’t even take a bite.

NICK: Yes, I did.

ALLISON: You put it in your mouth then took it right back out again. You didn’t even bite into it.

ME: Oh my God I’m gonna lose my mind if you don’t eat that sandwich.

NICK: I’m not hungry.

ALLISON: You’ve been talking all morning about how  you’re hungry!

NICK: I’m just so tired! I want to take a nap!

ALLISON: Take two bites of your sandwich. Then you can take a nap.

NICK: I want to play.

ALLISON: You just said you were tired!

ME: Eat that mffffnnffffnnn sandwich.

NICK: OKAY! (eats sandwich) Now can I have a donut?