CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT THE MOST TERRIFYING THING HE’S EVER SAID TO ME

2014-10-30 17.35.21

NICK: Daddy!

ME: Yes. Ow! Why are you squeezing my head??

NICK: (whispering) Daaaaaddddyyyy…

ME: Seriously, that hurts.

NICK: (whispering) I’m going to chop…offffff…yoooouuuuurrrr…heeeaaad!

ME: You’re going to chop off my head?

NICK: Yes! (slowly and quietly) Want to know why?

ME: Why?!

NICK: I have a head collection.

ME: You do?

NICK: Yes! And I will chop off your head and paint your body. Then I will chop off my own head and paint my own body. Then I will put my head on your body and your head on my body!

(Allison enters)

ALLISON: What are you guys doing?

NICK: I HAVE A HEAD COLLECTION!

ALLISON: You can’t have a head collection. There’s no room. Daddy has too many books.

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