CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT HOW HE’S A STATUE

2015-03-08 16.39.12

NICK: Daddy! Come here!

ME: What do you – whoa. Okay. You’re naked and sitting on the toilet with a toy rifle*.

NICK: Come here!

ME: Are you okay?

NICK: I have a joke!

ME: I’m terrified. What’s the joke?

NICK: Go get mommy and tell her you have a present for her and then bring her here and say “surprise” and tell her I’m a new toy.

ME: This is a great idea. Allison?

ALLISON: What?

ME: Come here, please.

ALLISON: What is – whoa. Okay. You’re all naked on the potty, buddy.

ME: And he has a rifle.

ALLISON: And he has a rifle. Why is he so still? He’s not moving.

ME: Allison! Look! I have a surprise for you!

ALLISON: I love surprises! Whatever could it be?

ME: This is your new toy! It’s a statue!

ALLISON: I love statues! Did you make it?

ME: Yes! Carved it myself. I call it…”Naked boy on potty with rifle!”

ALLISON: It’s so life-like!

NICK: SURPRISE!!!!

ALLISON: Oh my God! The statue talked!

NICK: IT’S ME, MOM! IT’S NICK!

ALLISON: Nick? I’m so shocked and pleased!

NICK: Okay, daddy? Do it again. Mommy, go out and daddy bring her in and say “I have a new toy for you.”

ME: Okay.

ALLISON: I’ll go back to my office.

ME: Cool. Okay. Allison! Come here!

ALLISON: What is it? I – Goodness! It’s a naked boy on the potty with a rifle!

ME: It’s your new toy!

NICK: Tee-hee-hee.

ALLISON: A new toy? Is it a statue?

NICK: Hee-hee-hee…

ME: It is. I call it “Nude boy with rifle!”

NICK: Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee…

ALLISON: It’s moving! It almost looks like it’s laughing!

NICK: Hee-hee-hee-heeheeheeheehee!

ME: I made it that way. It’s a laughing nude boy rifle statue!

NICK: HAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU GUYS ARE CRACKING ME OUT!

*It’s not a real-looking rifle. It’s a carved piece of wood in a sort-of gun shape. He got it from the Old Barracks in Trenton. So just settle down.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s