In one of those odd opportunities that happen to playwrights on occasion, I was commissioned to write a short play as part of a museum exhibit at Florida Gulf Coast University. Artists Barbara Balzer and Linda Hall are the artists and according to the museum’s website –
“The works of Barbara Balzer and Linda Hall playfully draw on art history and mythology using ceramics and soft sculpture. Their fantastical and sometimes humorous works are being shown together for the first time, providing two distinct viewpoints that revisit age-old stories…”
I wrote a play called “Lord of the Forest” and it was directed by Greg Longenhagen. According to Greg, the most frequently asked questions following the performance were “Was this story really about something else?” and “Who was the bear supposed to be?”
The play follows in its entirety. Let me know if you figure out who the bear is supposed to be. More information on the exhibit can be found here – https://www.fortmyers-sanibel.com/event/untethered-stories-come-like-charms-barbara-balzer-and-linda-hall/60183
LORD OF THE FOREST
A play by David Lee White
CHARACTERS
The Narrator any gender
Berton A human (male)
Ava A human (female)
The Docent A bear (male)
The Deer A deer (female)
2 Birds Birds (any gender)
Many crickets Crickets (any gender)
Setting: The only house in the middle of the forest
(AVA and BERTON are in their house. Their house is located in the middle of the woods. It is the only house. AVA and BERTON sit in chairs, staring at the fire. It is quiet outside. The NARRATOR steps forward and speaks.)
NARRATOR
“Lord of the Forest” – something resembling a play, written by someone you’re unfamiliar with. Our play takes place in the forest, which might be a metaphor for something else entirely. There is a house in the middle of this forest. It is the only house. The house might also be a metaphor. Or it might not be. Inside the house are two people – Ava and Berton. They are married to one another. They have been married at least three years. The house belongs to them and the more I think about it, the more I think the house is probably not a metaphor. It’s probably a literal house. It is night. It is quiet. There is a full moon outside. At the moment, Ava and Berton are staring at the fire. This is what they do every evening. They stare at the fire.
BERTON
Good fire, tonight.
AVA
It’s the same fire as last night.
BERTON
Something wrong with last night’s fire?
AVA
No. I was just pointing out that last night’s fire was the same.
BERTON
Fire is interesting. I don’t necessarily love it or hate it. I’m kind of on the fence about the fire. But I do find it entertaining.
AVA
I’m starting to hate the fire. It’s always the same.
BERTON
Maybe you just haven’t really looked hard enough at the fire. It warms things up. It makes things brighter. The fire is good.
AVA
I thought you were on the fence about the fire.
BERTON
Tonight I’m pro-fire.
AVA
Where do you go during the day?
BERTON
We really gonna do this right now?
AVA
Where do you go every day when you leave our home?
BERTON
I go to the forest.
AVA
And do what?
BERTON
Forest things.
AVA
What are forest things?
BERTON
I walk around the forest. I keep a lookout. I get wood for my amazing fire.
AVA
What are you on the lookout for?
BERTON
You don’t need to worry about that.
AVA
Are you keeping a lookout for the Docent?
BERTON
Don’t be silly. The Docent has a whole forest to deal with. He doesn’t care about us. Don’t worry about the Docent.
AVA
I’d like to go to the forest.
BERTON
No. I would worry.
AVA
About the Docent?
BERTON
Just watch the fire!
NARRATOR
From outside, we hear cricket noises, made by actors, but representing actual crickets.
(We hear crickets)
AVA
What’s that noise?
BERTON
Oh my God.
AVA
Are those crickets? We haven’t heard crickets in ages.
BERTON
They’re just crickets. They don’t mean anything. We’re going to be fine.
AVA
Why are you so freaked out by the crickets?
NARRATOR
Suddenly, there is pounding on the door of the house. It sounds like this. “Pound, pound, pound!”
BERTON
There is nobody at the door! You don’t have to be scared!
AVA
Berton, who is at the door?
NARRATOR
His body heavy with resignation, Berton goes to the door and opens it. The Docent enters. He has the head of a bear.
DOCENT
Berton! My friend! How’s it hanging?
NARRATOR
The actress playing Ava has a look of consternation on her face, expressing both confusion and concern.
AVA
(with look of consternation)
Is that…are you the Docent?
DOCENT
Guilty as charged, pretty lady! Berton, who’s this delicious looking dish? Mind if I sit down? Nice fire!
BERTON
This is my wife, Ava.
NARRATOR
The Docent sits down in a chair. He sits down in an irritating way – as if he somehow owns the chair.
DOCENT
Ava! Come over here and sit on the Docent’s lap! Aren’t I amazing? I have the head of a bear!
AVA
I’m not sitting on your lap.
DOCENT
Then fry me up a rabbit or something, for Christ’s sake! I’m the Docent! I have a flipping appetite!
BERTON
Listen, I’m sorry I just disappeared after you became Lord of the Forest. I can explain.
AVA
Berton, do you know the Docent?
BERTON
Know me? Lady, this guy made me Lord of the Forest!
AVA
What?
DOCENT
I mean, kinda. A lot of people made me Lord of the Forest. People, bears, foxes, you name it.
BERTON
I’m sorry I never told you, honey. But before we were married, I worked for the Docent.
AVA
You worked for him? You worked for the creature that is systematically destroying the entire forest?
DOCENT
Hey! Don’t believe everything you hear! You’ve been listening to the birds, haven’t you? Berton, do not let your wife listen to the birds!
AVA
How could you do this?
BERTON
He made a lot of sense at the time. He said all the things that I was thinking. But then when I saw what he was doing the forest, I didn’t want anything to do with him.
AVA
So you moved us to this house in the middle of nowhere.
BERTON
Yes.
AVA
And when you go out every day –
BERTON
I’m protecting you. Making sure the Docent doesn’t come after us because I deserted him.
AVA
Pfff. Nice work.
DOCENT
Hello! I can hear you! I’m sitting right here! I have bear ears!
BERTON
(to the DOCENT)
I’m sorry I disappeared. But I’ve changed. I’m married to Ava, now. Please leave us alone!
DOCENT
Ha! Too late, Berton! Lord of the Forest, here! I’m famished! Bring me some meat!
BERTON
(to AVA)
Look, maybe we should just bring him some meat. He falls asleep after he feeds. Then he’ll wake up and leave.
AVA
How do you know?
BERTON
If we flatter him, he won’t hurt us.
AVA
Fine. Okay, Mr. Docent.
NARRATOR
Ava begins collecting fruits and vegetables from around the house – bananas, berries, tomatoes, etc.
AVA
We have fruit, we have vegetables –
DOCENT
Quit talking about it and just bring it! I’ve got a flippin’ appetite!
NARRATOR
With a certain amount of reticence, Ava delivers the fruits and vegetables to the Docent, who devours them noisily.
DOCENT
Rawr! Num, num, num…BURP!
BERTON
Did you enjoy them?
DOCENT
What the flip is this nonsense? I’m still hungry! Bring me meat!
AVA
That was the best food in the house. We don’t have any meat.
DOCENT
(glaring at AVA)
Au contraire, mon female. I’m looking at the best meat in the house.
AVA
Berton? What’s he doing?
BERTON
Mr. Docent? Sir?
DOCENT
You look like a full meal to me, chicky-chickerson. Come over here and jump inside my big bear tummy!
AVA
Berton?
DOCENT
Come on, lady. Don’t leave the Lord of the Forest hanging!
NARRATOR
The Docent begins chasing Ava around the house with the intention of eating her. Perhaps there is a table that they run around several times, like in a Moliere play or an episode of “Will and Grace.”
AVA
Get away from me!
DOCENT
Come here!
(The crickets begin chirping again. They stop running and listen.)
DOCENT
What’s that?
BERTON
Those are your crickets.
DOCENT
They don’t sound like my crickets. They sound different.
NARRATOR
Suddenly, surprisingly, and with no forewarning from a narrator, a deer enters.)
(DEER barges into the house. The crickets stop.)
DEER
Hey! What’s happening in this neck of the woods?
AVA
Oh, thank the goddesses.
BERTON
A deer!
DOCENT
What the flip?
DEER
Is that the Docent? Well, well, well. I thought I smelled stale bear. What brings you here?
DOCENT
I’m the Lord of the Forest. I can go anywhere I want!
DEER
You trying to eat my friend over here?
BERTON
Friend? Ava, are you friends with a…with a deer???
AVA
Yes, Berton. I’ve been friends with deer for a long time.
DEER
I’m not like her token deer friend, either. She knows a lot of deer.
BERTON
Explain this, please.
AVA
I’m sorry, Berton. At some point I got tired of staying home staring at the fire while you went out goddess knows where. So I started going out too. One day I was wandering around the forest thinking about you and me and what had gone wrong with my life, when I saw a bright green glow coming from a clearing. It was fire. A green fire. I hadn’t seen green fire since I was a little girl. I thought I’d never see it again. There, in front of the green fire, was Deer and a lot of other animals that I hadn’t seen for years. They had all been in hiding from the Docent. But now they were out again.
DEER
It was time for us to come into the clearing.
AVA
I spent the days with them, only coming back in the evenings just before you got home. Eventually, the Deer told me who I really was.
BERTON
I don’t understand. Who are you?
AVA
I’m a bird, Berton.
NARRATOR
Enter two birds. Bird One and Bird Two. They carry a bird head over to Ava and place it on her head. They continue to flutter, as birds will do.
BERTON
You’re a…bird?
AVA
That’s right, Berton.
DOCENT
What the flip?
DEER
That’s right, gentleman. The birds are back. And this time, they’ve got deer with them.
BIRD 1
Chirp! You know what I mean?
BIRD 2
Tweet! And there’s more where that came from!
BERTON
This is insane. You’ve been lying to me!
AVA
You lied to me about working for the Docent!
BERTON
I knew you would never marry me if you knew about the Docent! I was trying to protect you!
DOCENT
You married a bird? Berton, I thought I knew you.
BERTON
I didn’t know she was a bird!
AVA
I didn’t even know I was a bird until the deer showed me.
DOCENT
Don’t any of you know your forest history? The birds and the deer destroyed this forest! It used to be a great forest! Nothing but bears as far as the eye could see! Then they came along! But you and me did it, Berton. We restored bears to their rightful place! You gonna let them take it all away from us again?
DEER
You got your history all wrong. But I don’t expect you’ll ever understand that.
DOCENT
We’re not gonna let this stand. Are we Berton?
BERTON
Well, I –
AVA
Berton. I’m still me even though I’m a bird.
DOCENT
You really want the forest to turn into a haven for birds and deer again? Come with me, Berton. All is forgiven. I need your help. I have to stay Lord of the Forest. This is war.
(The sound of the crickets begins again. They all react.)
DOCENT
You hear that? The crickets love me!
DEER
Better look again. Those are my crickets.
NARRATOR
The Docent opens the door and stares out. What he sees does not please him.
DOCENT
Flip.
AVA
I think it’s time for you to leave.
BERTON
Me too?
AVA
That’s up to you, Berton.
DOCENT
Berton. She didn’t even tell you she was a bird.
BERTON
I’m sorry, Ava. You should have been honest with me.
DOCENT
Atta boy, Berton. Now you go first. Push the crickets aside and I’ll walk behind you.
NARRATOR
Reluctantly, with a hint of sorrow for leaving Ava behind, Berton exits with the Docent. The sound of crickets stops. With a trace of melancholy crossing her weary face, Ava sits down. The deer sits down next to her with affection. This is a nice deer. The birds continue to flutter as birds do. It is an affectionate flutter, and does not distract from Ava’s melancholy.
AVA
The Docent will be back. What do we do now?
DEER
We watch the fire. Soon, it will die out. Then we will build a new one.
AVA
A green fire.
DEER
Yes. A green fire.
NARRATOR
The play ends.
David Lee White 