CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT HONKY THE BEAR

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Nick: Dad?

Me: Yes.

Nick: Look up in the road up ahead.

Me: What do you see?

Nick: Honky the Bear.

Me: I’m sorry… you see who?

Nick: Honky the Bear. HE’S RIGHT UP AHEAD!

Me: Who in God’s name is Honky the Bear?

Nick: Well… he’s a man. But he dressed like a bear. And he pours junk on your head.

Me: He pours junk on your head?

Nick: Yes. And then Honky the Bear puts fire on your head.

Me: He puts junk and fire both on your head?

Nick: No. There are two Honky the Bears.

Me: And they’re both called Honky the Bear.

Nick: Yes.

Me: And they’re not really bears, but men in bear suits.

Nick: Yes. Bad guys.

Me: And one puts junk on your head and one puts fire on your head.

Nick: Uh-huh.

Me: Why do they do that?

Nick: They’re bad guys. They like junk and fire.

Me: What do you do if you see both Honky the Bears?

Nick: Call Smokey the Bear.

Me: Ah. What does he do?

Nick: Puts out the fire. Throws the junk in the garbage.

Me: Right. So which Honky the Bear did you see up ahead in the road?

Nick: Both of them! RUN THEM OVER DADDY! CRUSH THEM WITH THE VAN! MAKE THEM GET DEAD!

Me: That seems excessive to me. Can’t we just rehabilitate them?

Nick: NO! RUN THEM OVER! THAT’S AN ORDER!

Me: BUMP! BUMPBUMPBUMP! Oh… Oops. I think I just ran over something. What was that?

Nick: Honky the Bear. He’s dead, dead, dead, daddy.

Me: And he’s a man dressed like a bear and he has a friend with the same name that also dresses like a bear and they put junk and fire on your head.

Allison: Okay, do you have that straight now? Do you have everything you need to put it on your blog?

Me: I think so, yes.

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