NICK: Dad?
ME: Yes, Nick.
NICK: You were born inside a butt.
(Really, really, really long pause)
ME: Wait… what?
NICK: You were born inside a butt. Yes, daddy. Yes you were.
ME: What are you talking about?
NICK: *sigh* I meeeeeaaaannnnn, when you were borned, you came out of someone’s butt!
ME: No, I didn’t.
NICK: Yes, you did. Like poo poo.
ME: Oh, my God. This is grossing me out so hard.
NICK: You were, daddy.
ME: People don’t come out of butts like poo poo.
NICK: Yes, daddy. Yes, they do.
ME: No they don’t.
NICK: Yes, daddy. You came out of a butt like poo poo.
ME: Stop saying that! Who told you that?
NICK: Who told me what?
ME: Who told you that babies came out of butts like poo poo?
NICK: The Muppets.
(even longer pause than before)
ME: They did not.
NICK: Yes, daddy.
ME: Which Muppet?
NICK: Huh?
ME: Which Muppet said that babies come from butts?
NICK: Poop Muppet.
ME: There is not a “Poop Muppet.”
NICK: Yes, there is.
ME: No there isn’t! Why would they make a Poop Muppet? Who would watch that?
NICK: There is!
ME: Seriously, who told you that babies came from butts?
NICK: On the animal show. They show babies getting borned. And the babies came out of the other animal’s butt.
ME: Ooooooohhhhhh…
*SOME TIME LATER*
ME: So I guess he saw some show that showed an animal giving birth. And it looked, to him, like it was coming out of the animal’s butt.
ALLISON: You are making this up for your blog.
ME: No, I’m not!
ALLISON: What did you tell him?
ME: I don’t know. I was all flustered. I mumbled something about wombs and vaginas and women and a bunch of other things I don’t understand.
ALLISON: You did better than I would have. I totally would have just told him you came out of a butt.
David Lee White 