CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT YELLING “FIRE”.

InCaseOfFire

NICK: Daddy?

ME: Yes.

NICK: What does that sign say?

ME: “In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use the stairs, where you will be chased by a giant ball of fire.”

NICK: A ball of fire?

ALLISON: Daddy is making a joke.

ME: Because that’s what the picture looks like. See?

ALLISON: Now he is going to have nightmares about being chased by balls of fire.

ME: Oh, he will not.

NICK: HELP! HELP! I’M BEING CHASED BY A BALL OF FIRE!

ALLISON: Nicholas!

NICK: THERE’S A BALL OF FIRE! HELP ME!

ME: Nick! Calm down!

NICK: FIRE! FIRE!

ALLISON: We do not yell fire in the hotel!

LATER…

NICK: Daddy?

ME: Yes.

NICK: Tell that joke about the ball of fire again.

ME: No, no.

NICK: Yes. Tell it.

ME: You already know how it goes.

NICK: I want you to tell it.

ME: *sigh* Okay, but you can’t freak out and yell.

NICK: I won’t.

ME: “In case of fire, do not take the elevator. Take the stairs. Where you will be chased by a ball of fire.”

NICK: HELP!!!!! THERE’S A BALL OF FIRE!!!! IT’S CHASING ME DOWN THE STAIRS!!!! HELP ME!!!!

ME: Nick! Nick! Nick! Be quiet! There are people sleeping!

ALLISON: Why, why, why did you tell him that again?

NICK: GO AWAY, BALL OF FIRE! GO AWAY FIRE!

ALLISON: Nicholas!

THE NEXT DAY…

NICK: Daddy, tell that joke.

ME: I’m not going to.

NICK: Please….?

ALLISON: Okay, we are on an airplane right now.

NICK: Tell that joke about the elevator and the fire. Tell it.

ME: No. You can’t control yourself.

NICK: Yes, I can.

ALLISON: I really don’t think you can.

NICK: YES I CAN!

ME: Sssshhhh…

NICK: Tell it.

ALLISON: Nick, calm down please. You’re disturbing the other passengers.

ME: Take it easy, pal.

NICK: FINE! FINE! HRRRMPH!

ME: Nick…

NICK: Daddy, pleeeeease…. tell it. Pleeeaaaase….

ME: Okay, but look… you can’t yell. Okay?

NICK: I promise. I won’t yell.

ALLISON: Don’t do it.

NICK: PLEEEEEAAAASSSSEEEE!!!!

ME: Okay! Okay… “In case of fire, do not take the elevator. Take the stairs.”

NICK: Tell it.

ME: “Where you will be chased by a giant ball of fire.”

(Pause, while Nick clenches his mouth shut)

NICK: Mmmmmmmph! MMMMPHHH!

ALLISON: Nick, stop thrashing around.

ME: Calm down, buddy.

NICK: FRRRBBLLLL! FFFRRRBBBBLLL!

ALLISON: Sit in your seat!

ME: Don’t stand up on the plane!

ALLISON: Sit down!

ME: Nicholas!

(Pause)

NICK: *Sigh.* Daddy?

ME: Yes.

NICK: Is that the best joke you ever told?

ME: It might be.

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One comment

  1. jdslacker

    Another excuse to meet. My greyhound Phoenix’s real name is Spit Fire Drive, AKA Fire… we renamed him because we didn’t want to be the maniacs in town yelling FIRE FIRE after our dog runs away…. Let Nick know he has special permission to call Pheonix “Fire” when he comes to visit. (George V)

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