NICK: Dad?
ME: Yes.
NICK: Does everyone have a butt?
ME: Yes.
NICK: No, dad.
ME: Yes. I’m completely sure that everyone has a butt. Everyone is born with a butt.
NICK: No, dad. Not everyone has a butt.
ME: Yes they do.
NICK: Some people don’t have a butt and they poop out their penis.
ME: That’s absolutely not true. You can’t poop out your penis and everyone has a butt.
NICK: Dad?
ME: Yes.
NICK: Are you speeding?
ME: I’m going three miles over the speed limit.
NICK: If your car breaks down and the police come I will jump out of the car and run to gramma’s as fast as a cheetah.
ME: Okay.
NICK: Look at all those geese!
ME: Wow. That is a lot of geese.
NICK: There are ten.
ME: Oh, there are way more than ten geese there.
NICK: No, dad. There are ten.
ME: More than ten. Like fifty.
NICK: NO, DAD THERE’S ONLY ONE GEESE! ONE AND ONE HALF AND ONE QUARTER!
ME: Yep.
NICK: Dad, I’m gonna tell a joke.
ME: Go for it.
NICK: WATER CHIMP!
ME: What does that mean?
NICK: Water chimp.
ME: What’s a water chimp?
NICK: It’s a joke I made up.
ME: Like…is it a monkey that swims?
NICK: It’s just water chimp.
ME: I don’t get it.
NICK: It’s a joke.
ME: How is it a joke? How is water chimp a joke. Is that what you’re saying? “Water chimp?”
NICK: Dad.
ME: Yes?
NICK: See that building?
ME: The one right in front of us?
NICK: Yes. Where is that building?
ME: It’s right in front of us.
NICK: Is it in New Jersey?
ME: Yes. We’re in New Jersey so the building is in New Jersey.
NICK: Right now?
ME: Yes.
NICK: Is it on the Atlantic ocean?
ME: No.
NICK: Why?
ME: Because we’re not on the ocean right now and that building is right here and right here is not near the ocean.
NICK: Dad?
ME: Yes.
NICK: Do you always have a butt?
ME: Yes. Always.
David Lee White 