CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT HOW A PIG BECOMES FOOD

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NICK: Daddy?

ME: Yes.

NICK: Grumps ate a pork chop.

ME: Really?

NICK: Uh-huh. HE KILLED A PIG!

ME: Okay. Just because he ate a pork chop doesn’t mean your grampa killed the pig.

NICK: Who did?

ME: Someone else.

NICK: Who?

ME: He got it at the grocery store.

NICK: But who killed it?

ME: I don’t know. He bought it at the grocery store.

NICK: How did it get there?

ME: Well first it was at a farm.

NICK: Then somebody killed it.

ME: Well… yes.

NICK: How?

ME: Well… I don’t…the pig died and…

NICK: I know how.

ME: How?

NICK: The farmer was on his tractor and he called the army and the army shot the pig!

ME: No. I don’t think –

NICK: Then how?

ME: Well, it’s kind of –

NICK: I know how. SOMEONE THREW NAILS AT IT!

NICK: Uh-huh. Or…know what? They used a screwdriver and a hammer!

ME: Oh, my God.

NICK: Or a knife. Or…I know how. You know what? They have a big machine that they put the pig in and it cuts it up with knives. But only old pigs! They don’t put piglets in because they’re just baby pigs and that would be bad to make a baby pig die. So you can only eat old pigs because BABY PIGLETS TASTE DISGUSTING!

ALLISON: What’s going on in here?

NICK: GRUMPS ATE A DEAD PORK CHOP!

ALLISON: Uh-oh.

ME: Now we’re talking about how pigs become food. Thank God you’re here.

ALLISON: Yeah. My mom called earlier. She told me this might happen.

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