CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT DENTAL HYGIENE

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NICK: I don’t want to brush my teeth.

ME: You have to.

NICK: I don’t want to.

ME: Here. You have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Toothpaste.

NICK: I’m too tired to brush my teeth.

ME: You are definitely going to want to use this toothpaste, though. Know why?

NICK: Why?

ME: Because it will turn you into a Ninja Turtle.

(long pause)

NICK: No it won’t.

ME: Swear to God. If you use this toothpaste, you will become a Ninja Turtle.

NICK: How?

ME: Look, I don’t know. I didn’t make the toothpaste, I just read it on the box. Every time you brush your teeth, you grow part of your shell. Want to brush your teeth?

NICK: Uh-huh!

ME: There you go. Get all of your teeth. Brush them good so you can grow your shell. Now spit it out.

NICK: *Ptuh!* Did I grow my shell dad?

ME: A little bit. I think a little bit of shell grows every time you brush your teeth. Where are you going?

NICK: I’m going to tell mom!

ME: Don’t run down the stairs!

NICK: MOM! I’M GONNA TURN INTO A NINJA TURTLE! WATCH ME DO A BACK FLIP!

ME: Nick. Wait! WAIT!

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