NICK: I don’t want to brush my teeth.
ME: You have to.
NICK: I don’t want to.
ME: Here. You have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Toothpaste.
NICK: I’m too tired to brush my teeth.
ME: You are definitely going to want to use this toothpaste, though. Know why?
NICK: Why?
ME: Because it will turn you into a Ninja Turtle.
(long pause)
NICK: No it won’t.
ME: Swear to God. If you use this toothpaste, you will become a Ninja Turtle.
NICK: How?
ME: Look, I don’t know. I didn’t make the toothpaste, I just read it on the box. Every time you brush your teeth, you grow part of your shell. Want to brush your teeth?
NICK: Uh-huh!
ME: There you go. Get all of your teeth. Brush them good so you can grow your shell. Now spit it out.
NICK: *Ptuh!* Did I grow my shell dad?
ME: A little bit. I think a little bit of shell grows every time you brush your teeth. Where are you going?
NICK: I’m going to tell mom!
ME: Don’t run down the stairs!
NICK: MOM! I’M GONNA TURN INTO A NINJA TURTLE! WATCH ME DO A BACK FLIP!
ME: Nick. Wait! WAIT!
David Lee White 