CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT WORDS HE SHOULDN’T SAY

NICK: Read me this book, daddy.

ME: “Flat Stanley?”

NICK: Yeah. Know what? The boy in that book is a jerk!

ME: Nick! We don’t call people names like that. That’s horrible. Where did you hear that?

NICK: I’m sorry.

ME: It’s okay. It’s not the worse thing you could have said. I’m sorry I overreacted. I just don’t want you to call people things that are going to hurt their feelings.

NICK: Dad? What if I don’t know something is a bad word?

ME: You can ask me or mommy.

NICK: Can I ask you one?

ME: Sure.

NICK: I’m embarrassed.

ME: It’s okay. Nothing to be embarrassed about. You can always, always ask and not be embarrassed.

(long pause)

NICK: I CAN’T!

ME: It’s okay. Just say it.

NICK: Can you read my lips, dad?

ME: Uh…I don’t know. Try it.

NICK: (moves lips)

ME: Body?

NICK: (moves lips)

ME: Booty?

NICK: No. (moves lips)

ME: I don’t know, buddy. Buddy? Booby?

NICK: No. (moves lips)

ME: Booley?

NICK: (moves lips)

ME: Bonnie?

NICK: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

ME: Bonnie? That’s not a bad word. That’s a name. Is that really what you were just saying?

NICK: I don’t know.

ME: Bonnie is not a bad word.

NICK: WHAT ABOUT CRAP?

ME: Yes. Crap is a bad word. Do not say crap.

NICK: Okay.

ME: But the important thing is that if you’re ever wondering if a word is bad, just ask us. Okay?

NICK: Okay.

ME: Want me to finish reading the book?

NICK: Yes.

ME: “Flat Stanley went home to see his mom, Mrs. Lambchop…”

NICK: HER NAME IS LAMBCHOP! OH MY GOD JESUS!