CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT WHY HE SHOULD DO WHAT HIS MOTHER SAYS

ALLISON: Nick, do NOT play with your toy soldier on the computer. Computers are fragile. Do it again and I will throw the soldier away.

NICK: (plays with his toy soldier on the computer)

ALLISON: Nick! What did I just tell you? Give me that.

NICK: NOOOOOO!

ALLISON: Now I have to throw it away.

NICK: DON’T THROW IT AWAY MOMMY!!!!

ALLISON: Why did you do what I told you not to do?

NICK: CAN I HAVE IT BACK?

ALLISON: Well, I don’t know. Answer my question. Why did you bang the soldier on the computer after I told you not to?

NICK: I DIDN’T BANG IT, MOMMY!

ALLISON: Yes you did. You banged it on the computer.

NICK: NO! IT DIDN’T MAKE A BANG SOUND! I PUT IT DOWN GENTLY!

ALLISON: No, you didn’t. And besides, you’re missing the point. You did something after I told you not to do it.

NICK: Can I have my soldier back?

ALLISON: No. I guess I won’t throw it away but you can’t have it back until tonight.

NICK: BUT I HAVE TO BUILD A HOUSE AND THE OTHER SOLDIERS ARE TOO BIG FOR THE HOUSE!

ALLISON: You should have thought about that before. Now why did you do something I told you not to do?

NICK: I’m sorry, mommy.

ALLISON: Sorry for what? I want you to say what you’re sorry for.

NICK: But mommy, listen, listen, listen. I need the soldier because if you take it away forever I won’t be able to play with it for forever!

ALLISON: We’re not talking about the soldier right now.

NICK: BUT MOM ARE YOU JUST GONNA TAKE IT AWAY FOREVER???

ALLISON: No. I told you I’d give it back tonight.

NICK: HOW MANY HOURS?

ALLISON: Stop talking about the soldier. I want you to understand what you did wrong.

NICK: I KNOW, MOM! DON’T MAKE ME KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT!

ALLISON: What did you do wrong?

NICK: Mom…listen…listen. I didn’t mean to but my arm just put the soldier on the computer.

ALLISON: You have control over your arm.

NICK: NO I DON’T! I REALLY, REALLY DON’T!

ALLISON: Yes you do, Nick. Your brain controls your arm. You control your arms with your brain.

NICK: NO I DON’T! MY BONE CONTROLS MY ARM! MY BRAIN DOESN’T HAVE A BONE! HOW CAN MY BRAIN CONTROL MY ARM IF IT DOESN’T HAVE A BONE? IT DOESN’T HAVE A BONE, MOM!

ALLISON: Listen to me, Nick. You can control your arm. You control what you do with your arms.

NICK: NO I CAN’T MOM! I REALLY CAN’T!

ALLISON: Nick, I need you to take responsibility for what you did.

NICK: Can I have my soldier back?

ALLISON: Not until tonight.

NICK: HOW MANY HOURS OR TEN MINUTES?

ALLISON: Nicholas, you did something I told you not to do and you didn’t listen to me.

NICK: Okay.

ALLISON: So please admit that you did something wrong.

NICK: Okay.

ALLISON: What did you do wrong.

NICK: BUT MOM, MY BRAIN REALLY REALLY DIDN’T –

ALLISON: Stop it, stop it. You did something I told you not to do and you didn’t listen to me. Right?

NICK: Okay.

ALLISON: So please take responsibility for your actions.

NICK: Okay.

ALLISON: So apologize.

NICK: I’m sorry.

ALLISON: For…

NICK: BUT MOM I DIDN’T BANG IT ON THE COMPUTER I DID IT VERY GENTLY BECAUSE IT’S FRAGILE AND MY BONE MADE MY ARM MOVE AND MY BRAIN REALLY, REALLY CAN’T CONTROL IT!

ALLISON: Oh, my God. Do you want your soldier back or don’t you?

NICK: Yes!

ALLISON: Then you have to admit what you did wrong.

NICK: I banged it on the computer BUT I REALLY COULDN’T HELP IT BECAUSE I’M SICK AND I JUST NEED A NAP BECAUSE I’M SO TIRED!

ALLISON: Holy cow.

NICK: ARE YOU MAD AT ME?

ALLISON: I’m not mad at you.

NICK: Mom?

ALLISON: What?

NICK: If I get back my soldier at night I’ll be in bed and I might roll on it while I’m sleeping so maybe I could have it in the afternoon.

ALLISON: Nick…

NICK: AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!!!