ME: How’s your french toast?
NICK: Good.
ME: Stop trying to suck your french toast butter through your straw.
NICK: Dad?
ME: Yes.
NICK: Simon bit me twice on the arm.
ME: What?
NICK: Simon bit me twice on the arm!
ME: Why? Why did he bite you?
NICK: I’m just kidding! I bit myself!
ME: Why did you bite yourself?
NICK: I don’t know. I did it twice.
ME: Nick,seriously, do NOT suck your french toast butter through your straw.
NICK: But I want to.
ME: Don’t do it.
NICK: Dad?
ME: Yes.
NICK: Donatello rode his skateboard at school today.
ME: Donatello? The Ninja Turtle?
NICK: Yes.
ME: What was he doing at your school?
NICK: I don’t know. Dad?
ME: Yes.
NICK: What if a big, dumb lady broke into our house and hit me and then the police came and SHOT HER IN THE BACK?!
ME: Oh, my God! Nick…! Why…? Why would you even… Why, why, why…?
NICK: Can I have some of your fries?
ME: Take them all.
NICK: I’m gonna put maple syrup on the them.
ME: That’s fine.
NICK: It wasn’t a ninja turtle on a skateboard. It was just Jimmy. I was making a joke.
David Lee White 