CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT THAT BUG

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NICK: Dad! Look!

ME: What is it?

NICK: A bug, dad!

ME: Ew. Gross.

NICK: Dad?

ME: Yes.

NICK: What would happen if I pulled down my pants and pooped on that bug?

ME: I don’t…I don’t know, Nick.

NICK: I KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN! I WOULD MAKE IT DEAD! IT WOULD BE DEAD FROM THE POOP ON IT! I WOULD KILL THAT BUG WITH MY POOP! AND THEN I WOULD EAT IT!

ME: Stop, stop, STOP! Seriously, Nick! That’s enough! It’s too gross, okay? That is TOO GROSS! Oh my God! Little boys are so gross!

NICK: Okay. Dad?

ME: What?

NICK: Am I ever gonna have a baby bro –

ME: NO!!!

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