ME: Nick. (pause) Wake up buddy. (pause) Nick?
ALLISON: Come on, kiddo. Wake up.
ME: Should we just let him sleep?
ALLISON: We can’t.
ME: What time is it?
ALLISON: It’s only 4:30. If he sleeps now he’ll be up at midnight and then we won’t sleep.
ME: Nick. Come on, pal. You have to wake up. It’s gonna be dinner time soon.
ALLISON: He’s stirring.
ME: Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, wake uuuuuuuuuuuup.
ALLISON: Come on, Nick.
NICK: HHHHHHRRRRRRRMMMMMPHPHPHPHPH!
ME: Wake up, buddy.
NICK: MMMMMRRRRRRRRRRRR.
ALLISON: You gotta wake up, Nick.
NICK: I want to go to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeed.
ME: Come on, pal. Wake up and have dinner. Then you can have a bath and go to bed.
NICK: I DON’T WANT TO HAVE A BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATH! I DON’T! WANT! A! BATH! HRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
ALLISON: Nick, you have to take a quick bath.
NICK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
ME: What do you want for dinner, buddy?
NICK: NOTHING!
ME: You have to have something.
NICK: I DON’T WANT ANYTHING! HUMPH! FINE!
ALLISON: We’re gonna have the baked ziti that you helped gramma make.
NICK: I DON’T WANT THAT!!!!
ME: What do you want?
NICK: PICKLES!
ALLISON: You can’t just have pickles.
NICK: Mom…mommy…listen… I want my donut for dinner.
ME: You can’t just have a donut for dinner.
ALLISON: After you have dinner you can have your donut for dessert.
NICK: NOOOOOOOOO! I WANT IT NOW!
ME: You can’t have a donut before dinner.
NICK: BUT I MISS IT! OH, DAD! I MISS MY DONUT SO MUCH!
ALLISON: You have to eat some ziti.
NICK: I just want to go to bed!
ME: Do you want a cheese sandwich?
NICK: I JUST WANT MY DONUT!
ALLISON: You can’t have a donut.
NICK: But I miss it!
ME: You can have it for dessert.
NICK: I want a pickle!
ME: I can put a pickle on your cheese sandwich.
NICK: I DON’T WANT A CHEESE SANDWICH!
ALLISON: He’s so tired.
NICK: NOOOOOOO! I’M! NOT! TIRED!
ME: I thought you wanted to go to bed.
NICK: I want to take a bath.
ALLISON: You have to eat dinner.
NICK: Can I have a pickle?
ME: You can have one on your sandwich.
NICK: No, I want a donut.
ALLISON: You can’t have a donut.
NICK: I want to go to bed!
ME: You have to eat dinner first.
NICK: I don’t want to take a bath!
ALLISON: You have to take a bath.
NICK: NOOOOOOOOOO!
ALLISON: Not yet. You have to eat dinner first.
NICK: I WANT MY DONUT!
ME: I thought you wanted a pickle.
NICK: I’M SO SLEEPY!
ALLISON: Let daddy make you a sandwich.
(pause)
NICK: Okay.
ME: A cheese sandwich.
NICK: Okay.
ME: With a pickle.
NICK: OKAY!
ALLISON: Why are you so upset?
NICK: I JUST WANT TO TAKE A BATH!
ME: Do you want to eat your cheese sandwich in the bathtub?
NICK: Uh-huh.
ME: Okay. Let’s go upstairs.
NICK: NO! I JUST WANT TO TAKE A FOOT BATH!
ME: Okay. I will take out the foot bath and you can soak your feet on the couch while I feed you a cheese sandwich with pickles on it. Is that okay?
NICK: Uh-huh.
ME: (to ALLISON) Is this okay with you?
ALLISON: Go for it.
NICK: I want the foot bath hot.
ME: Okay.
NICK: Really, really hot, dad.
ME: Okay.
NICK: And an extra pickle NOT on the sandwich.
ME: Okay. And then we take your real bath and go to bed.
NICK: Maybe I want to skip my bath.
ALLISON: You can’t skip your bath.
NICK: Can I have my pickle?
ME: Here.
(Twenty minutes later)
ME: How was the sandwich?
NICK: Good.
ALLISON: Ready for your bath?
NICK: Uh-huh.
ME: Okay. Let’s go upstairs.
ALLISON: Do you want your donut?
NICK: I’ll eat it in the morning.
David Lee White 