CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT THE PRETZEL IN HIS TEETH

NICK: What are you eating?

ME: Soft pretzel.

NICK: I want one.

ME: You already had dessert. It’s bath time.

NICK: I want one. I want to eat it in the bathtub.

ME: Salted or brown sugar and cinnamon?

NICK: Brown sugar and cimmamom.

ME: Okay. Here’s a bite.

NICK: I want a big piece. That’s a small piece.

ME: Okay. Here. Now, upstairs for your bath.

NICK: PICK ME UP! PICK ME UP!

ME: Nick, you’re so heavy.

NICK: PICK ME UP!

ME: Okay. Ugh…hrrmf…HRRRR…there we go. Now…up the stairs.

NICK: AHH! MMM! AAAHH! PUT ME DOWN!

ME: What’s wrong?

NICK: THERE’S NOT THE STUFF ON THE PRETZEL THAT I LIKE!!!

ME: Okay. Give it here. I’ll go downstairs and put more brown sugar on it.

NICK: I WANT TO COME WITH YOU!

ME: It’ll just take me a second.

NICK: I’M SCARED UP HERE BY MYSELF.

ME: Okay. Just, come on.

NICK: PICK UP ME UP! PICK ME UP!

ME: Oh, my God. Hrrrmf…urg…HRRRMM! There we go.

NICK: Put more stuff on it.

ME: I’m doing it, Nick! I’m doing it! Now, there’s more brown sugar on it…here we go…back to the bathtub.

NICK: PICK ME UP! PICK ME UP!

ME: Nick…oh my God.

NICK: PICK ME UP! PICK ME UP!

ME: Hrrrmf…urmm…HRRRRMMM! Okay. Now get in the tub. Seriously.

NICK: I GOB PRETBZEL IM MY DEEF!

ME: What?

NICK: I GOB PRETZEL IN MY TEETH!

ME: Well…pick it out!

NICK: I can’t. I CAN’T! USE THIS, DADDY!

ME: Why are you… Oh, my God. Why are you throwing all the brushes on the floor? Stop it!

NICK: USE THIS! IT’S A FWOSS STICK FOR YOUR TEETH!

ME: “Floss” stick.

NICK: FLOSS STICK! PICK OUT THE PRETZEL!

ME: Okay! Okay! Just hold still! Okay… got it!

NICK: Gross.

ME: Yes, it is!

NICK: Thanks, Dad!

ME: No problem!

NICK: You’re the best dad!

ME: Really? Thank you.

NICK: I couldn’t ever have been as happy with any other dad but you.