CONVERSATIONS WITH NICK ABOUT WHAT HE WILL DO WHEN THE WASPS COME

2014-10-31 15.12.04

NICK: Dad! What’s that?

ME: Oh, wow. That’s a huge wasp nest. Just hanging in that tree. How weird.

NICK: ARE THEY GONNA STING US?

ME: No.

NICK: Wasps only bother you if you bother them.

ME: Right. You know one time your Uncle Brad got stung by a bunch of wasps in his back.

NICK: How?

ME: They were in the mailbox and he opened the mailbox and they flew out and stung him.

NICK: HOW THEY GET IN THE MAIL BOX?

ME: I dunno. They just built their nest in there.

NICK: What did he do?

ME: He ran away. He was really little so I know he screamed and cried and stuff.

NICK: I CAN HEAR ALL THAT IN MY MIND!

ME: Can you?

NICK: YES!

ME: And then your grandpa in Colorado had to spray and kill all the wasps.

NICK: You know what? This one time, Billy and Billy 2 brought wasps inside a building!

ME: What kind of building?

NICK: A museum!

ME: Oh, man. What happened?

NICK: I was the police! And Billy let all the wasps go and I said “GET OUT OF HERE YOU WASPS I’M THE POLICE!” and I sprayed but it didn’t work.

ME: Why not?

NICK: Not enough chemical. And so I had to throw a bomb and I BLOWED UP THE WHOLE BUILDING! PWOKKKKKSSSSSH!

ME: You blew up a museum just to kill some wasps?

NICK: Yes.

ME: Sweet.

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