ME: Okay, bud. Time to wash your hair.
NICK: No.
ME: Yes. We are washing your hair.
NICK: No I’m not. It’s not in my plans.
ME: What do you mean? I make your plans. Your hair needs to be washed.
NICK: No, dad. I’m making my own plans. I am cutting off your plans with my plans.
ME: No. Finish washing yourself and then we’re washing your hair.
NICK: I’m gonna break the soap.
ME: Better not. We’ve talked about that.
NICK: I’m gonna break it, dad.
ME: Do not break that soap.
NICK: I’m gonna break it.
ME: Stop it. Just finish washing.
NICK: I don’t want to wash my hair.
ME: We are absolutely, 100%, washing your hair.
NICK: No we’re not.
ME: It can go fast and easy or you can scream and it can take an hour. Your choice.
NICK: I’m gonna break the soap.
ME: I’m washing your hair and I’m doing it right now.
NICK: GIMME A TOWEL! I GOT WATER IN MY EAR!
ME: Here. Do not drop that towel in the wa…Nick! I told you not to drop it in the water!
NICK: I got soap in my eyes! It’s in my eyes! I need another towel!
ME: *sigh* Here!
NICK: Are you done?
ME: No. I have to rinse it.
NICK: NO!
ME: I have to rinse it, Nick! I can’t just leave the soap in your hair!
NICK: I’M GONNA CHOP YOUR ARMS OFF FOR YOU CAN’T LIFT ANYTHING!
ME: I DON’T CARE AS LONG AS I FINISH WASHING YOUR HAIR!
David Lee White 