ME: Okay, buddy. Are you gonna be good and cooperative on this tour?
NICK: YEAH, SURE!
ME: Seriously. We’re gonna be on a tour with a lot of people so you need to behave.
NICK: Is this where there’s the guns?
ME: Yes. This is where the soldiers stayed during the Revolutionary War. So yes, there will be antique guns here.
NICK: YES!
ME: But we have to go on the tour to see them. Okay?
NICK: OKAY, MY HILARIOUS SIDEKICK!*
ME: Nick…
(Ten minutes later)
TOUR GUIDE: …and this is where the soldiers slept, usually three or four men to a bed. If you look over here you can see the muskets…
ME: Look, bud. Those are the guns they used. They’re called muskets.
NICK: WHY IS IT SO STINKY IN HERE?
ME: Nick…sshhh! It’s not stinky. You just have a four year old nose.
NICK: IT IS, DAD! IT’S STINKY! I HAB TO HODE MY DOSE!
ME: Sssh!
TOUR GUIDE: …and here you see an officer’s room. He would have had his own bunk, much like this one.
NICK: OH, MAN IS IT STINKY!
ME: Nick –
NICK: I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
ME: Oh, my God. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
TOUR GUIDE: …and here’s the desk where the officer would have sat to write letters.
NICK: WHEN ARE WE GONNA LEAVE, DAD?
ME: Sh!
TOUR GUIDE: You can see the flag in the corner –
NICK: IT’S STINKY SO BAD!
ME: Okay. We’re just gonna go… how do we…?
TOUR GUIDE: Out the door and back the way we came.
ME: Thank you. Sorry, everyone. Sorry.
NICK: CAN I LED GO OF MY DOSE, DAD?
ME: Yes.
NICK: CAN WE GO OUTSIDE?
ME: Yes.
NICK: Why was it so stinky in there, dad?
ME: I don’t know. It was a little stinky.
NICK: You know what I think?
ME: What?
NICK: I think when the soldiers were there a long time ago, they made it stinky. And then it just got more stinky over time.
*Where, where, where did he get this?
David Lee White 