NICK: Dad?
ME: Yes.
NICK: Go outside. Close the door.
ME: Why?
NICK: I can do it by myself.
ME: You’re gonna take your bath by yourself?
NICK: Yes. Go outside and shut the door. I need my privacy.
ME: Okay.
NICK: But just sit in the hall. Don’t go away.
ME: Okay.
NICK: But shut the door.
ME: Okay.
(Door closes. Sounds of rustling around come from the bathroom.)
NICK: Why…won’t…you…come…off…stupid…shirt!!!???
ME: Nick? Do you need any help?
NICK: No! I can take off my shirt all by myself!
ME: Okay. It just sounded like you were having some trouble.
NICK: I’m not! I’m not having any trouble!
ME: Okay. Just let me know if you need anything.
NICK: Sit in the hall but not too far away!
ME: Okay.
NICK: (to himself) Ow! Ow. Too hot, too hot, too hot…
ME: Nick, do you need me to adjust the water for you? Is it too hot?
NICK: No! I can do it!
ME: Okay.
(Many minutes pass. Nick plays with boats)
NICK: I’m a pirate, I’m a pirate…Hello, Batman. Are you a pirate? No! I’m Batman! Okay. I’m a pirate! Okay, then you must fight me. Uh! Uh! Punch, punch!
ME: You okay in there?
NICK: Yeah, I’m okay!
ME: It’s just about time to get out.
NICK: Okay, but dad?
ME: Yeah?
NICK: I can brush my teeth by myself.
ME: If you say so.
NICK: I CAN!
ME: Okay, okay. I believe you.
NICK: (to himself) Dumb toothpaste. Come on, dumb toothpaste!
ME: Nick, do you –
NICK: No!
ME: ‘Kay.
(Nick opens door)
ME: You ready for bed?
NICK: I want to put on my pajamas by myself.
ME: Sure.
NICK: Don’t come in my room!
ME: I won’t.
NICK: Stay in the hall!
ME: Okay.
NICK: But not too far away! Just right there!
ME: Okay.
(pause)
NICK: Okay, you can come in.
ME: Your pants are on backwards.
NICK: NO THEY’RE NOT!
ME: Your pants are totally on backwards.
NICK: AAAAAAHHHHHGGGG! I CAN DO! IT! MY! SELF!
ME: I’m sure you can. Do you want to take them off and turn them around?
NICK: No!
ME: You just want to wear them backwards!
NICK: Yeah!
ME: Fine with me. You want me to read you a book?
NICK: Yeah, but dad?
ME: Uh-huh.
NICK: Don’t get on the bed with me. Just sit on the floor.
ME: Okay.
NICK: And then you lay down on the floor when I go to sleep.
ME: I’m not laying on your floor.
NICK: Yes, dad!
ME: No way. I’ll read you a book from here but if I lie on your floor, I’ll never be able to get up.
NICK: Okay. Then dad…know what? After you read a book, then go into mommy’s office.I can go to sleep by myself.
ME: All right.
NICK: But don’t go too far away.
ME: I won’t.
David Lee White 